


Two Questions

by TrueCrossGhoul



Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Confessions, Death, Hospitals, M/M, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Suicide, Old Age, lots of death, tons of tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 15:19:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8166530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrueCrossGhoul/pseuds/TrueCrossGhoul
Summary: Kuro watches in pain as Mahiru grows in age, and he regrets not telling him that he loved him earlier. Every time Mahiru shows signs of old age, two questions and a realization pop into Kuro's head





	

**Author's Note:**

> *ugly sobbing*
> 
> Here's a playlist that i was listening to on repeat as i wrote this...  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfSqY70Dl70&list=PLV69F3j0BApVigNLNN1b1CPU_JOLueRt0

"Mahiru, you're leaving for class already?" I groaned in the arms of my eve as he unlocked the front door in a hurry, an untoasted piece of bread held in his mouth. He mumbled something I couldn't understand as he jogged down the path to his school. To make it easier on him, I crawled out of his arms and onto his shoulder, grabbing onto his backpack with my claws for dear life. With a nod, he took the bread out of his mouth and smiled. 

"Yeah, sorry for the rush! I forgot I had a school council meeting before school, _plus_ I woke up late, so I didn't have time to make breakfast!" He explained breathlessly as his jog turned to a run. How he could keep up his pace for so long, I would never know. 

**-x-**

"Are you leaving for work already?" I asked as Mahiru tied his tie in the mirror. He scrambled for his keys, then grabbed the cup of coffee that I'd made for him five minutes earlier. He nodded, then opened the door quickly. 

"Yes, It's my first day and we need to go right now or I'll be late!" He gestured frantically for me to follow, so I did. We got into his car and drove away, leaving his childhood behind him. 

**-x-**

As his age grew in numbers, I began to grow worried. He was finding it difficult to do the tasks that he had usually done so easily. Getting out of bed has become a chore for him, as was getting dressed and getting to work. I had taken to helping him more, but to be honest, it was difficult. I had no experience in caring for people. At this stage in his life, it would only get harder and harder. 

Not to mention, my heart breaks every time I look at him. His face wrinkled from age and hours at work, His hair beginning to lose it's color, His movements painful and stiff. 

I'm bombarded by constant memories of him as a kid, the way he would effortlessly do everything with a smile on his face. I had loved him, and his growing age just made me wish that I could turn him back. That I could somehow reverse his age, make him healthy and free again. No such luck. 

And for some reason, two questions always seem to pop up in my head whenever i see him show signs of ageing. 

_Are you going to age with grace?_

When and how will you die?

Every time i think of the second, a pit forms in my stomach as i realize, for the thousandth time, that yes, Mahiru will die at some point. whether it be from murder, sickness, old age, or so on. At some point, my love would leave me.

That's the curse of being immortal, i guess.

I had taken to staying in my human form full-time now, in order to be of as much help as possible. I almost never drank his blood, too afraid that it would make him weaker. I started cooking for him, cleaning up, and basically everything else. It's hard work, but I know that he appreciates it. 

I'm truly living up to my title as a Servamp, acting like his servant. 

Not that I mind. 

**-x-**

_Are you going to age with grace?_

So far, not so much. Mahiru's health has deteriorated to the point where he had to be sent to the hospital for full time care. Part of me is glad that he's in good care and I don't have to do as much work, the other part is depressed. Obviously, because it seriously hurts to watch him grow up. It hurts to see him in need. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. 

I try to visit him as often as possible, almost every day. He has been in the hospital for five months now, the nurses gave me a call to say that he won't be here for very long now. My heart broke, and I rushed to see him. I didn't think my heart could take any more as I saw him- Pale, tired, weak, lying in bed and hooked up to several machines. 

"Mahiru..." I mumbled, tears clawing through my eyes. He shifted his gaze towards me, a shaky smile on his face that seemed to lighten the room. 

"Hello Kuro..." He answered in an old, cracked voice. I felt tears cascade down my face. His eyebrows furrowed at this, to which I covered my face with my arm. 

"I'm so so sorry..." I choked out, taking slow steps towards his bed. His confused expression turned to an understanding one as he gently placed a dry hand on mine. 

"It was inevitable. I'm glad that I got to live a long life with you, Kuro." He whispered. 

"And I'm happy that you were able to live this long, although it was heartbreaking to see you age." 

"I'm sorry..." He apologized, looking away. "I never wanted you to be in pain..." 

"Mahiru, don't apologize." I grasped his hand with both of mine. "You're the only eve that I've ever had that has lived this long. You're the only eve that I've ever..." I trailed off and bit my lip. I didn't want him to hear the rest, worried that it would make him cry. 

"That you've ever... what?" He asked, his brows pressed together. I swallowed hard, then sighed. 

"You're the only eve that I've ever... loved." I mumbled, my tears quickening their pace. "I love you, Mahiru. I have for years. I've just been too shy to tell you. I'm sorry." He stayed quiet for a moment, then smiled. 

"I've loved you since I was fifteen, Kuro. I regret never telling you." My heart skipped a beat, and I had to fight back the urge to sink to my knees and sob. 

"Visiting hours will be closing soon, sir." The nurse by his bed reminded me, to which I nodded, then turned my gaze from her to Mahiru. 

"I'll come back tomorrow, and I'll bring All Of Love and the others." I told him. He nodded, tears glazing over his eyes as he remembered that his friends, the other eves, had all died at such young ages. He was lucky. 

"Thank you for visiting again, Kuro. I'll see you tomorrow." 

_When and how will you die?_

I was afraid that i would know the answer to that much too soon.

**-x-**

The next day, after I had gathered my brothers, I sat patiently in the waiting room for visiting hours to open. The servamps comforted me in this time, because they knew what it felt like. At least they thought they did. Only Lawless had loved his eve, but he never had to see him grow old and weak like I had to. Licht had been killed at a performance in his 30s. Hyde had fallen into a depression that lasted ten years. 

A commotion near the hospital rooms caught my attention, a flurry of doctors and nurses filing into one of the rooms. Mahiru's room. Panic grew in my chest. The others had seen it, as well. I could see it in the concern etched deep into their faces. Doubt Doubt pulled me into a hug as tears marked tracks down my face. Mikuni had ended his own life, he had been too weighed down by his family issues to continue living. Doubt Doubt had been emotionally unstable about it for quite some time. Sometimes, he says that he can still hear Mikuni voice. 

After some time had passed, a nurse in white shoes walked over to our group. I perked my head up, my heart hammering in my chest. She alerted me that he was alive, but would die at any moment. She gave me, and me alone, permission to visit him at this time. I stood and followed her, my heart rate refusing to slow down, palms almost dripping with sweat, and tears flowing down my face as if they were waterfalls. 

As the door creaked open, Mahiru's gaze rested upon mine. He looked worse than he did yesterday. 

"Ku...ro..." He croaked out, leaving my chest in pain. I rushed over to his bed, tears blurring my vision. 

"Mahiru I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I never made an effort when you were younger. I'm sorry that I never told you how I felt. I'm sorry that you had to watch your friends die. I'm sorry that I pulled you into my fucked up life. I'm so... so sorry..." I broke down into a fit of sobs, my head bowed. I spoke quickly to make sure that he heard everything I had to say. "Thank you so, so much for forgiving me for what I did in my past, and thank you for making such a huge impact on my life. Without you, who knows what would have happened to me." Mahiru's mouth turned up weakly at the corners at this, which just made me want to cry more.

"Kuro... There's no need to apologize for anything. Thank you for making my life interesting." He smiled, brighter this time. His grin felt like the sun, warming my tear stained cheeks. "I..." He trailed off, looking away. My stomach felt like it had a large rock weighing it down; that feeling when you know something horrible is about to happen. 

"Mahiru don't-" I choked out before the unmistakable sound of a heart rate monitor flat lining interrupted me. My heart sank as I stared at the monitor, then back at Mahiru. A quiet, pained whimper left my body. My face scrunched up instinctively as sobs wracked my body. I sank to my knees by his bedside, grasping his lifeless hand. 

When I stumbled towards my brothers, eyes refusing to dry, they all ran towards me and comforted me. I held in my sobs, too afraid that it would remind them of their eves' deaths. Instead, I bit my lip hard and squeezed my eyes shut. Regardless, a painful, hushed wail escaped from my mouth. 

I had no idea how long my brothers held me in the waiting room, pretending that they weren't crying along with me.

**Author's Note:**

> ;-;
> 
> Now whenever Oblivion by Bastille plays I get really sad??? Wow this was painful to write
> 
> Comments are always appreciated! If you want to get ahold of me for requests, questions, etc. you can message me on my tumblr(s): @TrueCrossGhoul & @nekopiree


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